Exhausted

Hi everyone,
It's currently 19th October 2020, 12.30p.m NZ time, and Yana has 1 submission (4000 words narrative) this Wednesday, and a final exam next week.

Yana nak tulis ni, supaya in future, bila Yana tengok balik ni, Yana sedar kesusahan hari ini berbaloi.

Last week, up until now, I feel so exhausted and disconnected from reality. I didn't pick up the calls (I'm sorry Aishah & Naddy), I didn't reply to people's text (I'm sorry Aishah, Melon & Sue) but I am really exhausted. Back to back doing the UCMUSA thingies, trying to secure the collaboration alone, doing the media things alone and not-to-forget how I had to deal with not-punctual people for my group assignments.

Okay first, the UCMUSA things. I hate it when people said "aa semua ni hangat hangat tahi ayam je", I know this is bad for myself, but I've been living with a belief that "If it's not me, then who else?". If you want to do something, you have to be the one who initiate it!! I had a media partner, who constantly disappointed me. Replied to my urgent text the next day, never respond to my questions, and ahh I love her as a friend, but I hope she could be more helpful... And the people in UCMUSA, this club has huge potential to grow, if and only if everyone could communicate. It's a huge lie if I say I don't want to work as a team, I am a collectivist, but they are not. It's hard.. And being a media officer, I learnt a lot. I know so many things that I did wrongly and things that I wish I would do differently.

And the group assignment part...

Yana hopes that everyone knows how to appreciate others' times...Being constantly late is not cute...I am someone yang have my whole day planned..and waiting for you it's not a part of my plan..You wasted my time.. And jujurnya, I don't trust people who's always late...10-15 minutes boleh tolerate lagi...But honestly, don't you feel bad making people wait???

And academically,

I struggle a lot. I have one subject that I really love, but ended up scored the least among my friends. And I wish they know that "Kau tak patut do amek subject ni, kau patut amek subject 353 tu.." didn't help at all :) And I have one project that I was really interested in, tapi ended up lecturer tak membantu...

Oh one more thing, minggu ni memenatkan.. tak tipu... but Yana also tak tahu why, I always feel sad about how I'm getting worse, religiously... I guess that's a call for me to change, Allah masih sayang mungkin? Semoga Yana istiqomah...

It's difficult.

But I learnt a lot from it.

Liyana. 

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